Every October organizations, communities, and individuals across the nation rally together to spread awareness of domestic violence. You may be wondering, why?
Domestic violence is an intentional pattern of behavior used by a current or former intimate partner to establish and maintain power and control over a person.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, more than 10 million women and men are physically abused by an intimate partner each year. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, nearly half of abuse cases go unreported. These statistics suggest that nearly 20 million people in the United States are physically abused by a partner each year. This number doesn’t even touch the number of people who are abused in other ways.
Because, in addition to physical abuse, domestic violence can take the form of:
Sexual
Sexual activity that happens without consent
Verbal
Oral, gestured, or written language used to cause emotional harm
Psychological
Exposure to behavior intended to cause emotional harm
Financial
Controlling, restricting, stealing, or misusing money or assets
Spiritual
Using religion, faith, or beliefs to get power and control over another
Cultural
Culture, identity, and spirituality are used to inflict suffering
Technological
Digital technology and devices are used to control, coerce, threaten,
and harm
In most cases, victims experience more than one form of abuse.
The cycle of abuse typically goes like this:
Tension Building
The victim feels that a blow-up could happen at any time caused by
anything, with a sense that they are walking on eggshells as the
tension increases
Abusive Incident
The tension breaks and abuse escalates; this can look like hitting,
rape, denying access to necessities, name calling, threatening,
and more
Honeymoon Phase
The abuser apologizes, love bombs the victim, buys gifts, and/or
promises to change
Invariably, the question will be asked, why doesn’t the victim leave? Abuse is layered, complicated, and messy. Leaving is much the same, and it can be extremely dangerous. A core aspect of abuse is to make the victim feel like it’s impossible to leave the situation. The abuser can do this by controlling access to money, wounding the victim’s self-esteem, making the victim feel responsible for the abusers’ actions, cutting the victim off from resources, and more. We also know that sometimes staying is the safer option as leaving can be a lethal decision; Women are 70x more likely to be killed after they have decided to leave an abusive partner.
So, what can you do if you or someone you know is being abused? The first thing is to start a conversation with the person, or yourself, about the situation. This can be hard but be patient and listen to understand. You may want to gather resources available in your community. You can create or help create a safety plan that works for the specific situation. Just keep in mind that no two cases are the same, and therefore no path out of the abuse is the same.
My Sisters’ Place offers free support through legal services, advocacy work, therapeutic counseling, community education and outreach, as well as housing assistance. We have an emergency shelter where residents have access to all of our services. We support survivors in Westchester County, New York and can be reached through calling, texting, or chatting online.
24/7 Hotline: 800-298-7233
Our text and chat line are open Monday through Saturday 10 AM to 10 PM.
Text: 914-600-4208
Chat: mspny.org/connect-now
Everyone knows someone impacted by domestic violence. Our hope is that one day no one will.