Ness is a survivor of domestic violence and founding member of SIA. She spoke at MSP’s Fall Luncheon in October 2021. The following is a portion of what she shared:
“On September 19, 2016 my husband and I awoke to the sound of our 5:30am alarm as we did every Sunday to work at a farmers’ market for his parents. Barfield, our beautiful lab mix was sprawled out by John’s side of the bed. It was an ordinary Sunday morning…until John tripped over Barfield and began punching him. When I implored him to stop, he did. He then turned the vicious assault on me. It ended after about 10 minutes. I asked him what he was going to do when our then 11-month-old son, who was a mere 10 feet away, turned two, and came into our room bright and early, jumping on the bed asking for breakfast. He paused then replied, “Jack would never do such a thing.” And just like that, after five years of being brutalized, dehumanized and almost killed, I had my ‘ah ha’ moment. That afternoon I fled with my son and a diaper bag – and it’s a good thing I ran because when Jack was 2 he’d climb on my bed and body slam me, then open my eyes and say good morning. An uncomfortable way to wake up but a memory that always makes me smile. I know had I remained with John, Jack would have been subjected to torture at the hands of his father.
Many have remarked how difficult it must have been to leave. But for me, leaving was the easy part. It’s what came after that was hard.
A month after leaving John I filed a police report which resulted in his subsequent arrest. No sooner than he was arrested did I have CPS calling to advise me that a formal complaint had been lodged against me for child abuse. Luckily, she was a seasoned professional and instantly recognized this was a case of domestic violence. She suggested I immediately get an order of protection that would also include Jack.
A friend recommended I call My Sisters’ Place. […] The woman I spoke with guided me through the process and welcomed me to come into the office but also suggested there was a similar agency in Rockland, where I live. This interaction with MSP was my first step towards freedom. I walked into the center in Rockland County the next day, looking as disheveled as my mind felt. An advocate brought me to her office and explained the process of filing for an emergency order of protection. She explained a lot that afternoon, much of which I couldn’t absorb. When it was time to recount the years of abuse, I could barely string together two cohesive sentences. I was a shell of the woman I once was.
Never did I think I’d be a statistic. Never did I think that I would become so entrenched in the complex and grossly misunderstood cycle of domestic violence. That I would be beaten unconscious, left with permanent physical injuries and a single mother fighting to protect her son. Never could I have guessed that my strong-willed, independent nature would fall prey to a master manipulator, a charismatic narcissist, a local college professor who would stop at nothing to destroy me. No one would have ever imagined that my life would be forever changed by domestic violence. Yet here I stand, a victim and now a survivor.
Organizations like MSP give survivors the tools, the resources, the support they need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps to fight for their freedom and safety – they believe survivors during a time when we feel so embattled that we question the reality of what we lived. Steadily, I began to find my footing. The all-encompassing reinforcement I have received from [MSP's] advocates is what gave me the sustenance I needed to regain my sense of self, to have the strength to defy the norms of this process and persevere. […]
Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of who they are, what they do for a living, or where they live. And you can make a difference by continuing to support My Sisters’ Place.”