By Vivian Todini, Manager of Youth Education and Prevention
With remote school and work still underway, chances are this is the most time that you have ever spent with the young people in your home. Every day, as you model behavior, you teach them critical qualities of adaptability, flexibility, and vulnerability. They may also see you express frustration, fear, anxiety, and impatience. It’s always been hard to juggle it all, and even more so now. You won’t always get it “right,” and in fact, that’s not the point. Helping kids learn, from experience, how to do our best – as much as possible – is just as important, if not more.
In our Virtual Parent Talks, we talk with parents about “creating a culture of conversation.” This means parents and caregivers talk together about how to create a space for kids to feel comfortable sharing something, asking questions, and feeling like they are being heard.
The first step is to borrow a page from what we teach youth about their peer-to-peer relationships. To build a healthy relationship, we remind them how you relate to one another is grounded in safety, equality, and respect. We know that equality between parents/caregivers and kids may seem juxtaposed with what’s been ingrained in our society. However, this doesn’t mean that you don’t get to make the rules. You do. But you do it while taking the children into account.
Sadly, many youths don’t believe they deserve a healthy relationship or have a vision of what a healthy relationship is. Perhaps their self-worth is a bit tattered because of how they're treated at home, or maybe they're swept up by the media’s romanticization and misrepresentation of abuse as love or protection. Compounding this leads to most youth – and adults – not having the opportunity to learn the skills of healthy communication or expression. Yet, learning healthy self-expression, self-awareness, boundaries, emotional regulation, and other aspects of emotional intelligence are central building blocks of a healthy relationship. As parents and caregivers, you have an important role to play in modeling behavior and supporting your children’s foray into healthy relationships. My Sisters’ Place is here to help!
Here are resources to start the process:
- Tips for Difficult Conversations with Youth
- Parent Resource List
- Parent Rights / Child Rights
- Critical Life Messages
If you would like My Sisters’ Place to hold a Virtual Healthy Relationship Workshop in your child’s middle or high school, or if you would like to organize a Virtual Parent Talk with a community group or school to which you belong, please reach out to our Education and Prevention Team at dvep@mspny.org.
If you feel unsafe in your relationship, please call our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-298-7233 (SAFE).
Our counselors are trained to help people begin the process of safely leaving an abusive relationship.