#YOUthMATTER!
By Vivian Todini, Manager of Youth Education and Prevention
Chances are jealousy will surface in a relationship. That’s not the problem. As we say in our Healthy Relationship Workshops – it’s the way someone handles jealousy that can be the problem!
When your partner sees you talking to an ex or thinks that someone is flirting with you, do they talk with you about how they feel? We are realistic: We know it’s not easy for anyone – adults included – to talk about feeling insecure, worried, vulnerable, or any of the uncomfortable emotions connected with jealousy.
BUT here’s what you should know: When your partner deals with their jealousy in a respectful way – even if it is bumpy, awkward, or tense – it keeps pace with the three key cornerstones of a healthy relationship, which are respect, equality, and safety. In a healthy relationship, your partner doesn’t knot jealousy up with control. Rather, they deal with their feelings by getting support from friends, checking in with themselves about their personal insecurities and triggers, talking with you, and engaging in any other range of healthy emotional behaviors.
On the other hand, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship if your partner becomes accusatory or pairs jealousy with controlling behaviors like:
- telling you who you can and can’t see/talk to/hang out with
- telling you what you can and can’t wear
- isolating you because “they want you all to themselves”
- monitoring your social media
- checking up on your whereabouts/tracking your location
If you notice these signs or other behaviors where your partner is trying to have power over you and the relationship, it can serve as a red flag – a warning sign of abuse. Remember #YOUthMatter and YOU have a right to…
If you feel unsafe in your relationship, please call our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-298-7233 (SAFE). Our counselors are trained to help people begin the process of safely leaving an abusive relationship.