We recently had the opportunity to sit down with three long-time MSP counselors from our Family Services team: Ivon, Belqui, and Micheline. Below they discuss their work with MSP, how survivors' needs and the community’s response to domestic violence have changed throughout the years, and more.
HOW HAVE STRATEGIES FOR SAFETY PLANNING CHANGED OVER TIME?
IVON: Safety planning is always evolving. It’s not one size fits all; safety planning looks different for every single client.
I always start off by asking the client what safety planning looks like to them, and then I build on that to provide strategies and creativity around the safety planning.
In the past couple of years, a lot of safety planning has centered around being home, isolated 24 hours a day, seven days a week, with an abuser. How does that look, and how can we help the survivor deescalate and learn different techniques on conflict avoidance?
For example, I had a mom saying that the kids are in the house, there's nothing to entertain them, they’re driving the abusive partner crazy, and he's becoming more aggressive and more verbally abusive. I knew we had board games at the office, so dropped them off at my client’s house to keep the kids occupied.
BELQUI: Being stuck at home 24/7/365 with the abusive partner in the home with you and having nowhere to go is scary. But we always reassure our clients that there is always support, even if you cannot go outside or walk around or go somewhere. We’re always here for support, and in emergencies we remind them to call 911 and they’ll respond automatically.
MICHELINE: Another thing about safety planning is technology. Some of our clients don't know how to retrieve or save their voicemails. Because of their abuser lingering around, I had to find time to walk them through the system and teach them how to work their phones without the abusive partner knowing. I also had to teach some clients how to secretly keep numbers that they needed stored.
DURING YOUR TIME WITH MSP, WHAT CHANGES HAVE YOU NOTICED IN THE AGENCY'S RESPONSE TO SURVIVORS' NEEDS? HAVE YOU NOTICED ANY CHANGES IN THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MOVEMENT AS A WHOLE?
IVON: MSP has always remained true to the core value of providing client-centered services. As time has passed with laws, funding, and everything else evolving, you have to shift services. Sometimes you’re more limited with the resources because of the lack of funding, but My Sisters’ Place has remained true to our mission of putting the client first and everything else after.
BELQUI: One of the biggest things that has changed throughout time is the community response to domestic violence. The police have actually learned more about domestic violence, what it is, and how to respond to these sorts of situations.
Way back when, a lot of law enforcement had this misconception that for a survivor of abuse to receive help, they needed to be black and blue. But throughout time, there have been changes by providing trainings so people know that there are so many other forms of abuse like financially, emotionally, and sexually. Domestic violence is a monster that comes with different features.
WHAT MAKES YOU MOST PROUD?
BELQUI: I always say this: Our survivors come to us like seeds, but throughout the process of healing, we start pouring water on those seeds. The next thing you know, a flower starts coming out. And when you see them begin to bloom and grow, it’s amazing.
IVON: That just reminded me of a painting I have in my office that a client painted for me. It's a hummingbird, and on the back of the painting she wrote a message that ended with, “You gave me my wings back. Now I can fly.”
The resilience that our clients show is amazing. Our clients inspire me every single day. I'm in awe at the strength our survivors show, and they don't even know it.
BELQUI: Yes, that's our gratification when you see a client and they're like, “Yes, I can make it now.”
Like I tell all my clients, we're just giving you the box of tools. If you want to start building and you want to stay on the first floor, that's fine. We'll work with that. But when you get all the way up to the top of the tower, that means you've got it. You made it. You made that effort. That is all you, building yourself up and getting back to life.
DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH SURVIVORS WHO MAY BE READING THIS?
BELQUI: Don't give up. You're not alone. There are always doors to knock on, and one door will open, like My Sisters’ Place. It doesn’t matter your gender, age, race, citizenship status; we’re here. Your voice can be heard. There’s always going to be a place out there that will listen to you and give you the direction and support that you need.
IVON: I would add to that: You’re worthy. You are worthy to be loved and respected and to be safe. You matter.
BELQUI: I’d say you're phenomenal.
For more information on MSP's counseling services, please visit our Counseling, Advocacy, and Safety Planning page.